My life has not been terribly ordinary, and I guess I am pretty grateful for that. I have been waltzing around the planet for years now, trying not to listen to all the people who insist that I ought to settle down. Sometimes it takes a lot of work to remember that a life lived in the pursuit of joy is just as valid (or more!) than a life lived in the pursuit of money. While looking for a job once, I realized how much of my strange life I try to hide so that I seem more "normal". And then I decided, to hell with that! My life has been gorgeous, and I am proud of what I have lived, even if it looks a little weird on a resume. So, in defiance to the establishment, here is my resume that lists some of the things that I am most proud of - adventures, joys, tragedies endured, and little moments that just made me feel alive. Enjoy! Click on the links to read the full stories.
The best is yet to come!
I am still blessed by unbelievable luck in my sweater endeavors, and my insatiable Rainbow House continues to devour every penny of it. I once again rang in the New Year with too much wine in Ecuador. I manage to sneak away from my endless projects and let go of time on a journey in Kurdistan. I hitchhiked to Iraq!
Woohoo!
The madness continues with trips to South America and Africa. All the while the house grows more colorful and sweaters continue to fly in every direction. It is finally time to update my website (after 5 years of rampant neglect!) hence this woefully inadequate and flippant attempt at a pseudo-resume!
After ringing in yet another New Year in Ecuador, we set into major home renovations. Despite all the reckless crap I have survived in war zones, I managed to seriously injure myself while gardening in my back yard. Woo hoo! Much of 2010 was spent scootching along on my bum until I managed to walk again. Now I have a cool metal ankle. Actually, it isn’t that cool. I like my old ankle better.
Slowly our crazy little house began to blossom into a million colors, and sweaters kept springing to life. After 10 years I got my big schoolbus back (yay!) but it caught on fire on the way home (boo!). Somehow we made it though.
Decided to go to Mongolia based simply on the fact that it seemed Random. While there we confirmed that is IS in fact random (in a pleasant way). Now I want a yurt.
Mason and I foolishly decided to buy a janky old farm near Woodstock, NY. Thanks to the insatiably money-thirsty house, Katwise sweater production had to go in to triple overtime. Mercifully, the Gods of Etsy smiled upon me and blessed my sweater shop with crazy success, just when I needed it most.(THANK YOU!!)
And oh yeah…! I danced the tango with Alice Cooper!!! (He's kinda my idol)
Spent a few months under my favorite Ecuadorian volcano. Returned to NYC to make hundreds of sweaters that I sold out of my magic schoolbus on St. Marks. The police failed to find me endearing, so I got a bit of a criminal record for my illegal vending. “Katwise: Unraveling the fabric of American Capitalism, one Terror Sweater at a time.”
Won the first trophy of my entire life – a Golden Mermaid from Coney Island. It figures I win a trophy for being a freak.
Circled the globe once again. Learned to stand on my head in India. Dipped my toes back in African sand. Excelled at naval contemplation.
I got another little school bus! Eeee. So cute!
Speaking of cute….this is the year I met *Mason* - and fell utterly in love.
Skyrocketed to fame and fortune as a NYC streetvendor. Just kidding. I did get frostbite on my fingers while selling gloves…kinda ironic, no?..
Took a LEAP - Inspired by the short life of my dear friend Kinga, I decided to not waste another day working at something I didn’t care about….Decided to just be myself for a living. Soon discovered that patchwork sweaters are like crack for hipsters.
Goodbye Kinga – My beautiful travelling companion taught me that death can be extraordinarily beautiful….though I would do anything to have her still alive. Kinga’s sudden death was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life, but it sent out amazing ripples of inspiration.
Katwise.com – I drank a lot of coffee, stayed up for 48 hours straight, and made myself a frikkin web page. Woot! It was a mess, but, so what?
Hitchhiked to Timbuktu - Crossed the Sahara Desert with legendary hitchhiker Kinga Freespirit. Sailed the Niger River, Navigated the Medina of Marrakesh.
Rode with the Paris-Dakar Rally. Learned how to speak French and how not to speak Arabic. Received countless marriage proposals by men named Mohammed. Had a camel named after me.
South American Adventures - Repeatedly tear gassed. Walked 50km all night for Jesus. Hitchhiked to Bogota to meet rock star idol. Got attacked by 20 dogs (cool scar). Salsa danced like crazy. Did lots of art. Disrupted soccer game because goalie was checking me out and the other team scored.
Turned 30 - e gads.
Sailed Down the Amazon (again!) - Lived in the jungle. Learned (so-so) Portuguese. Tested limits of my patience with *eccentric* traveling companions. Hitchhiked through Brazil and caught a bad fever. Briefly had a pet monkey
Summer in New York - Became proud Owner of a 1979 convertible VW Bug. Discovered no talents in repairing VWs. Grew Sunflowers. Did lots of Yoga. Worked on a Boat. Broke my tailbone in a mosh pit. Informed that some band used my photo on their album cover. Ran off to Ireland.
Sailed down the Amazon (Part I) - Logged record breaking hours in hammock, sailing from Ecuador to Brazil. Partied with the trannies at Carnavale. Mugged by a band of kids with machetes in Copacabana. Inspired a stranger to blow me a kiss, and then walk into a STOP sign and fall on his ass. Was Finally told “I Love you” on Valentines Day....by a parrot!
Cusco, Peru - Worked for a month at a Cerebral Palsy Clinic. Got beat at Chess. Never bothered going to Machu Picchu.
Summered in the Hamptons - Worked as a Yachty. Duties included: cooking, sailing, maintenance, and trying not to let my expressions betray the utter contempt I felt towards my employer and rich morons in general. Learned yet again the money does not buy Happiness.
Got Hand Disfigured at Mexican Punk Rock Show - Learned not to wear Mini-Skirts in Mosh Pits. Spent night in hospital beside a hooker named Peaches. Made no less than 87 phone calls to my insurance agency to rectify the matter, and fell in love with the American health care system all over again.
Returned to Burning Man - Realized I was over it. Nearly kicked out for assorted infractions, including: Use of a Feather Boa, and Driving an Undesignated Art Car.
More South American Adventures - Hitchhiked to Chile with annoying pan-pipe player. Found the house where my grandmother used to live in the 1920’s. Painted lots of murals. Worked as a translator in the jungle. Lived under an active volcano. Watched lava flow down the mountain, and felt in peace.
New York Jewelry Company - Worked for a hoarder, agoraphobic, paranoid cat-lady. Learned the names of hundreds of gemstones. Learned how to make up convincing names for gemstones I did not know. Vacuumed up lots of tourmalines and pearls.
Heart Broken. Cried a lot.
Hitchhiked for Ecuador to New York - Traveled penniless through 10 countries with a kitten and a lanky, blue-haired man-child. Crossed the fabled Darien Gap, Panama Canal, and the Rio Grande. Helped along the way by many angels. Life filled with Magic.
Took Up Running - Began zealously training for a marathon. Ran 18 miles once. Got shin splints. “Marathon” took up permanent residence on “To Do” list.
Sold Psychedelic School Bus on Ebay - (see 1996) Said goodbye to the bus, but hello to my amazing new friend Sue who took great care of her.
Partied like it was 1999 - Got kicked out of Mayor Giulliani’s New Year’s Eve party just before midnight when it was revealed that I was not with Drew Barrymore. Rang in the New Millenium with nerdy, sober joggers in Central Park.
Quito, Ecuador - Painted Murals. Made Jewelry. Was Robbed 7 times in one week . Learned how to poke thieves in the eye.
New York - Discovered I could never be a flight attendant. Had a homeless man tell me, “My, what a Fellini-esque ensemble!"
Christmas Trees - Began first of three seasons selling Christmas trees in Harlem. 24-Hour-a-day job. Lived in a trailer on Broadway. Froze my ass off. Established first name basis with many pimps and dealers. Won nothing on Scratch Tickets. Smelled like pine needles.
First Art Show - Rave reviews. Unfortunately, the building burnt down, and all art was destroyed.
Ecuador - Used insurance money from burnt art to return to South America, learn Fluent Spanish, meet many beloved friends, and fall in love with a country that would become my second home.
Saturn Cafe - Rebuilt legendary vegetarian cafe from the ashes. Painted many funky murals. Became graveyard shift waitress and lost my mind just a little bit, but in a fun way.
Thailand - Was contracted by an exiled princess of Burma to teach refugees how to make Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Graduated UC Santa Cruz – Bachelor’s degree in Anthropology. Honors. Phi Beta Kappa. Blah blah blah. That was expensive!
Philippines - Worked with street children. Caught lice. Blindly rode small boat to Borneo. Got caught an Indonesian revolution. Saved by kind strangers. Peed on by other (less kind) strangers. Returned to America with amazing Sequined Boustier collection. Rode Greyhound cross country for the 24,352,458,743rd and LAST time. Got peed on there, too. Seriously, I got peed on by strangers 2 times in one month. WTF?
Ireland – Chased a Leprechaun and danced naked on the Aran Islands.
Santa Cruz - Endeared self to landlord by painting house bright purple and pink.
Calcutta, India - Worked for Mother Teresa. Humbled. Rode trains to Kathmandu.
Santa Cruz - Worked as a Baker. Learned how to make a perfect Pie Crust. Got fat.
Ireland - Played in the trees with Eco-Warriors. Met a Leprechaun.
Psychedelic School Bus - Bought a burnt out bus for $500, painted it six thousand colors, and drove cross country with an amusing cast of characters. Offended by people’s “Partridge Family” comments, because it was so, so, so much cooler than the Partridge Family. My beautiful bus appeared in newspapers, TV shows and magazines all over the world.
Nursing Home - Took care of 20 rambunctious Alzheimer patients who had a fondness for Christmas carols and running out onto busy highways in their diapers. Learned that senility is contagious. Now I can sing all of the Old Tunes.
Makeover - As a guest of the Jenny Jones Show, I was given a “Radical Makeover” and bid farewell to my green mohawk and my dignity.
Europe - Hitchhiked and trained thru Europe on $5 a day. Whistled “Blue Danube” while crossing the blue Danube. Rode magic carpets in Turkey.
Guatemala - Worked at orphanage in middle of jungle. Learned a lot about diarrhea and projectile vomit.
Thailand - Studied in Chaing Mai. Made friends with prison inmates. Lived with a hill tribe. Made maps of coral reefs for Thai Forestry Service.
Discovered that where language fails, blowing bubbles is worth a thousand words.
Africa - saw the word “Zanzibar” on a map, remembered the theme song from “The Patty Duke Show” and decided to go there. Learned how to count to ten in Swahili.
U.S.A - Hitchhiked across the country a half dozen times. Once hitched from California to New York in 2 ½ days. Picked up hitching in Iowa by a naked guy. Fought a forest fire in Wyoming. Went to my 200th Grateful Dead Show. Never touched drugs. Crossed Rocky mountains in the back of a pickup truck, under a full moon while watching shooting stars and making many, many wishes.
Italy - Exchange student at art school in Milan. Didn’t quite fit in. Decided never to try to fit in ever again. Came home early to follow the Grateful Dead.
Realized I was “different” - Finished Highschool after 2 years. Became aware of how amazing the world is. Stuck out my Thumb. Started traveling. Never stopped.
Born. Grew up. Tortured by older brothers. Insufferable Goody-goody.